Death Does Not Become Her

So today, I had, my my very first near death experience.

The last week of sun, in my little dark town.  I anchor my boat, like I have done, a dozen times before this summer. I coax my six year olds off the boat, where we can explore and have fun. We swim 30 feet away from the boat, we are maybe the same distance from the island. The water is cold, a little choppier than usual, but we are veterans.  As we reach our halfway mark, a boat speeds by, in our no wake zone. The wake from this boat is enough to frazzle us, but the reciprocation of the wake beating on the island rocks and hitting us twice is more than our our strength can handle.

My daughters become a scared anchor that I can't support. They are afraid as the waves keep beating us under. Even with their life vests I know the situation is dangerous and I can't save us. They are climbing up me like I am a tree screaming, that they are drowning, and I feel the same. Every time they reach for me they pull me down and I am helpless, thinking. is this how we are going to perish?

And in that moment I had to make a decision. I was forced with making a choice. I did not think I could save us, the shore and the boat seemed mikes away, and I was drowning. I realized, my swimming technique was not what I thought it was, I was no Lochte. And as I was swallowing half the lake and praying to whatever God existed, I swam., I, the woman whom always said she would give up when shit got hard, swam. I pulled my babies to shore, threw up on the banks, and cried, but I saved us. I turned into a Mama Bear and I rescued my cubs, primal instinct kicked in.

I remember watching the movie Titanic and thinking, yup, I'd be the old couple calling it a day. But, I guess today wasn't my day, I didn't say "yup". I struggled, I used every muscle in my body and every breath of encouragement to get my daughters to shore. As the waves were beating down on us from different directions and no hope could be found, I dug deep, I found something I didn't even know, and we found safety.

I guess today I learned, I am a fighter.