Is it baseball? Or Life?

So there are these things called  curveballs. They happen in sports, baseball (aka title), or, in my case life.  Damn, my life.  Funny how it works that way.  There is this saying that my Grandmother used to tell me.  Do you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans. This really seems to be true.  I can't plan a damn thing out.  Something always happens to throw that proverbial curveball.  The other shoe always falls. 


Six months ago I had it all planned out.  I knew the schedule for the next year, I knew what I wanted.  And I wanted so many things. 

But over the past few months, I realized it's not about me.  It hasn't been in a long time.  There are these girls, that I created, that deserve so much more. 


And now I have to make it about them.  They deserve it, it is my privilege to be there mother and put them first. 

And now, I must put my desires and wants above theirs and live the life that they deserve.

Trapeze Artist

You have to let go. And only then, can you be caught.

Irony

Funny thing. I used to be a huge Mariah fan. Heard this song today, and I thought it was relatable. Oddly enough , I used to relate to it because my heart was broken, now I think that I am the one breaking hearts!

Oddly Enough

So my life has turned into this weird, unrecognizable being.  I am in control, yet watching it turn into something I never thought it would do.  According to most of the earths populous, I should be more than happy. I have all the things that are required to live an above average life, my needs are beyond met.

So what the hell am I searching for? What keeps me from happiness?

Always

Dating when you are bored

It doesn't work! Not a good way to meet people. If you are homeless, you can eat for free, other than that, just eat ramen and use a vibrator.

# bitches

It's weird, whenever you make a mistake with a man all your girls are right there saying I told you so! But, when you ask their advice, they can only say, He seems nice!

Hmmm just got this via text?

Nope

He didn't show up, he didn't come by. Once again, I wasn't enough.

I've been told this is me

I can do this.

I hold on to my past with a magnifying glass, and my future, with a shotgun.  I am so scared, so betrayed.  My life has turned into this cornucopia of bullshit on the table that I no longer recognize. I have taken the steps to better myself, I am jumping through the hoops, but still struggling to the point if exhaustion.  The people I thought I could count on are gone and I feel myself flipping off God. Come on, is this all you got?  The irony of it all is that I have never felt more stronger or confident.  I've never felt so alone, yet I can do this.